When We Were Young

1
這些都是別人的話。

2
她到今日才明白這些話不過是作態﹐但她一切作真。他則是凡事不上心﹐像宇宙圍繞他旋轉。她轉不了﹐只有空手創造一個宇宙。這樣也好﹐他們也算扯平﹐隔空相望﹐至少大家都坦誠點。她為何對他無法說出真心話﹖他把別人那裡聽來的話以第一人稱轉訴給她﹐她知道他在意那些﹐於是吞下他們的舌頭﹐用那些語言說話。

她以為自己夠自私了﹐顯然只在字裡。太會上劇何嘗不是一種缺點。騎牆派的懲罰異常嚴厲。

3
savour

Verb

- to enjoy and appreciate (food or drink) slowly

- to enjoy (a pleasure) for as long as possible: an experience to be savoured

savour of

- to have a suggestion of: that could savour of ostentation

- to possess the taste or smell of: the vegetables savoured of coriander

Noun

- the taste or smell of something

- a slight but distinctive quality or trace [Latin sapor taste]

4
Allende﹕我懊悔自己曾經節食﹐出於虛榮而拒絕過那麼些個美味﹔我也後悔為了迫在眉睫的職責或清教徒式的假道學而捐棄做愛的良機。

Montaigne ﹕當我想像最深思熟慮又睿智的人性交時的模樣，就覺得那些聲稱自己深思熟慮又睿智的人實在是厚顏無恥。

5
"I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been. V."

6
...... 我不懂。
...... 不是嗎﹖
...... 呃﹖
......

7
他說她不愛任何人。她說你不過想我做張抹布。他說但我愛你。她躺下像張抹布披在那裡﹐說﹕得了﹐來吧。免得他說出更多荒謬絕倫的話。

8
因為我憂鬱。
﹕我知道﹐我看得出那樣的臉。就像蒙古症的臉一樣﹐無論何種人種﹐都是一樣的表情。你戴著那樣的表情。

9
我們在一個叫偽布爾喬亞的餐廳吃飯。我叫了一杯酒。大家都笑得很開心。我幾乎要相信自己了。高速公路暈黃的燈光一盞盞閃過﹐冷氣呼呼地吹。樂觀的要相信明日太陽不再爬上來。相信時間得以倒流﹐六年﹐十六年﹐二十一年。

10
Bonjour, tristesse.

the ice forest of Siberia

我們在黑暗中工作 - 我們盡力而為 - 我們付出所有﹐我們的懷疑是我們的熱情﹐我們的熱情是我們的任務。其餘便是藝術的瘋狂。

比不過 Bean Scene，但精神是可以的﹐無論是那帶著憂鬱眼神如法國男星那樣口氣全無心腸的男店工﹐還是另一天能量爆棚大聲嚷嚷的女店工﹐至少他們個性鮮明﹐還能讓你記得住五官。

最厲害的東西是吃下去不覺得怎麽樣，一不留神它便在不經意時來喚你。你也很容易滿足﹐一杯咖啡和起司蛋糕就樂得你飛飛的。修了整年的 Granville 街風塵仆仆﹐鐵絲網隔開左右鋪不整的行人道﹐你走的開心﹐幾乎像走在柏林 Unter der Linden﹐可能是轟炸過的那個版本。

繞了世界一圈回來﹐這些 reference。回憶像陳年中藥櫃﹐一格格胡亂放著﹐隨手拉開﹐暗香滿室。

你終於可以回答他當年問你的那個問題。你坐在她人的廚房地板﹐他在另一頭大聲地質疑﹕這能幫助誰呢﹖Please, enlighten me. 你總是嚇得沈默﹐一句話都說不出來。你沒問過自己這些問題﹐以為那就像空氣一樣理所當然。就像他覺得這些純屬多餘。至少你意識到﹐也不是人人都需要救援。或﹐這樣的救援。

救救你自己吧﹐拜託。不然你還能有什麼呢﹖

竭盡所能去過日子﹔否則你可就錯了。你究竟做了什麼並不重要﹐只要你擁有自己的人生。如果連自己的人生都沒有﹐那你還有什麼﹖我已經太老了﹐即使心有餘也力不足。失去的就失去了﹐這一點要認清。不過我們仍然可以幻想自己是自由的﹔因此別像今天的我一樣﹐連那份幻想的回憶都沒有。我在該擁有那份幻想的時候﹐不是太蠢就是太聰明﹐輕易放過了它﹐如今我成了極力反對這種錯誤的人。因為那真是個錯誤呀! 好好活﹐好好活! - The Ambassadors, Henry James