Holy Shit 神聖廢話

Ancient holy wars
Dead religions, holocausts
New regimes, old ideas
That's now myth, that's now real

古老聖戰
過時宗教 大屠殺
新政權 老方法
神話嗎 真實嗎

Original sin, genetic fate
Revolutions, spinning plates
It's important to stay informed
The commentary to comment on

原罪 遺傳
革命 輪轉
繼續保持覺醒
評論之後留言

Oh, and no one ever really knows you, and life is brief
So I've heard, but what's that gotta do with this black hole in me?

噢沒人能真的理解你，
而人生苦短，你們說。
但這與我裡頭的黑洞有什麼關係？

Age-old gender roles
Infotainment, capital Golden bows and mercury
Bohemian nightmare, dust bowl chic

傳統男女分工
新聞娛樂 資本
金箭與水銀
浪人夢魘，乞丐時尚

This documentary's lost on me
Satirical news, free energy
Mobile lifestyle, loveless sex
Independence, happiness

這紀錄片是在演什麼
諷刺新聞，自由能量
流浪生活，無愛的性
獨立精神，多麼快樂

Oh, and no one ever knows the real you, and life is brief
So I've heard, but what's that gotta do with this atom bomb in me?

噢沒人認識真實的你，
而人生苦短，你們說。
但這與我內裡的原子彈有何關係？

Coliseum families
The golden era of TV
Eunuch sluts, consumer slaves
A rose by any other name

大家族
電視的黃金時代
淫蕩的太監 消費的奴隸
玫瑰其它的名

Carbon footprint, incest dreams
Fuck the mother in the green
Planet cancer, sweet revenge
Isolation, online friends

碳足跡 亂倫夢
幹你娘的大自然
地球癌 現世報
孤獨隔離 網路交友

Oh, and love is just an institution based on human frailty
What's your paradise gotta do with Adam and Eve?

噢愛只是脆弱人性建立的制度
亞當夏娃與你的天堂有什麼關係？

Maybe love is just an economy based on resource scarcity
But what I fail to see is what that's gotta do with you and me

是吧，或許愛情不過是資源短少的經濟對應
但 這和你我又有何關係？

四首歌 Four Songs

2014 年出《那些殺死你的都並不致命》時上某電台節目的功課：選四首歌。人生主題歌。

找出檔案，只有三首。

4 Songs

Joni Mitchell, 1969, Both Side Now
Joni Mitchell, 1970, Both Side Now
Joni Michell, 2000, Both Side now

Joni Mitchell - Both Side Now



Rows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
像是天使的秀髮、像是用冰淇淋在空中堆成的城堡
And feather canyons everywhere, i've looked at cloud that way.
還有羽毛般的峽谷…我曾經是那樣看雲的。
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
但現在我只看到烏雲遮住了陽光，降下了雨雪，
So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way.
我原有那麼多夢想可以實現，但雲朵擋住了路。

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
我看過了雲朵的兩面，
From up and down, and still somehow
從上從下，然而
It's cloud illusions i recall.
我想這只是雲的幻影，
I really don't know clouds at all.
我其實一點都不懂雲

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
像明月、像六月、像摩天輪，狂舞後的暈眩感覺，
As every fairy tale comes real; i've looked at love that way.
所有童話故事都會成真，我曾經那樣看待愛情。
But now it's just another show. you leave 'em laughing when you go
但現在那只是一場戲，你在他們的笑聲中下台一鞠躬。
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.
如果你在意，別讓他們知道，別吐露你真正的感受。

I've looked at love from both sides now,
我從兩面看過了愛情，
From give and take, and still somehow
從付出與得到，然而
It's love's illusions i recall.
我想那只是愛情的幻象，
I really don't know love at all.
我其實一點都不了解愛情

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,
帶著淚水與恐懼，驕傲地大聲說出「我愛你」
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.
夢想、計畫、與馬戲團的人潮，我曾那樣看待生活。
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
但現在老朋友表現地很彆扭，他們搖著頭，說我變了。
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.
有失必有得，日常生活就是這樣。

I've looked at life from both sides now,
我看過了人生的兩面，
From win and lose, and still somehow
從勝利與失敗，然而
It's life's illusions i recall.
我想這只是人生的假象，
I really don't know life at all.
我其實一點都不了解人生

To me, both sides now isn't so much a coming of age song. If it were, it would mean that the author's point of view evolved from one earlier naive state to a more enlightened state through experience. In other words, it would mean that the protagonist used to see clouds & love as beautiful, and after subsequent experiences saw them in a different & more realistic light. While the coming of age/changing perspective thing is the subject of the verses; the chorus goes beyond that by adding that although she has seen things for what they really are, she continues to choose illusion over reality.

I think both sides now is a song about illusion versus reality from the point of view of a dreamer. Even when experience teaches the true nature of something, the dreamer can continue to live with their illusions about life and love. The dreamer seems doomed to repeat the same mistakes by choosing to sugar coat the true nature of life and love with their own romantic illusionment. Even this has a duality: you can look at it as being hopeful or unrealistic.


Jon Brion - Little person《紐約浮世繪》



discusses the monotony of life. The simple, trivial happenstances of human existence, feeling insignificant, and ultimately the loneliness of being human at one time or another.

I'm just a little person
One person in a sea
Of many little people
Who are not aware of me

我只是一個小人物
人海中的一位
所有人中之一
誰會注意我呢

I do my little job
And live my little life
Eat my little meals
Miss my little kid and wife

做我的小工作
活我的小生活
吃我的早中晚
想妻子和孩子

And somewhere, maybe someday
Maybe somewhere far away
I'll find a second little person
Who will look at me and say

某處 某日
或許 遠處
會有個人
看進我心
說

"I know you
You're the one I've waited for
Let's have some fun."

“我懂你
你就是我等的人
來吧”

Life is precious every minute
And more precious with you in it
So let's have some fun

人生多麼難得
尤其有你再這
來吧我們享受

We'll take a road trip way out west
You're the one I like the best
I'm glad I've found you
Like hangin' 'round you
You're the one I like the best

我們向西而行
我最喜歡你
多好  你出現
在你身邊 親愛
世上我最喜歡你。


Pete Doherty - Ballad of Grimaldi



While there's still a fighting chance
Can't you just get up and go
And get away from this hollow romance
It's slowly binding us both
Because you'll tell me what you want and I'll avoid it
Tell it to the sick and to the damned
Show me what you love, watch me destroy it
For love just crumbles in my hands

趁著還有機會
你何不離開呢
離開空洞的情懷
逐漸將你我鎖入的假象
你想要的我都避免
你所愛，我盡毀滅
我總是這樣

But if you stay for a while..
I'll try to think of something kind to say
And maybe if we pray for a while
St. Jude might hear my pleas
And see me on my knees

但如果你留下...
或許我能說出溫柔的話
或許我們一起禱告
無望聖徒都能聽見我
看見我虔誠跪下

Because she knows how I adore you
We won't be fighting again tonight
Not if she knows I adore you
No fighting again tonight..

她知道我崇拜你
今晚別再吵架
如果她不知道我崇拜你
也別吵了吧 今夜...

I laugh and fall just like Grimaldi
You wear your make-up like Baby Jane
All of those promising lies that you told me
Come on and tell me them again

我笑啊跌倒像小丑
你也塗了滿臉假象
你告訴我的謊言啊
來吧再對我說一次

Oh well, I walked these streets all of my life..
The fear and hope at every turn
She took him to Stepney and made him a wife
oh you know yeah you know they'll crash and burn

好吧，我早已走過這些路
每個轉角都是恐懼或希望
她帶她去她家 他是丈夫
好吧 但我等你毀壞 你會

Because she'll tell him what she wants and he'll avoid it
May as well tell it to the sick and to the damned
Show him what you love, watch him destroy it
For love seems to crumble in his hand

她會對他索求 他無理
不如告訴傻的痴的
提醒他 他所愛
他盡毀滅
他就是這樣

Joseph Grimaldi (1778-1837) was the world's first 'white-face' clown. He took the character of 'Clown' from a style of play called a Harlequinade, originally a country bumpkin fool character Grimaldi gave him the painted face and brightly coloured colthes we know as clowns today. Grimaldi was, quite simply, a comedy genius.

Joseph's father, Jo Grimaldi, was a strict teacher who used to savagely beat Joseph as a child when he made mistakes in the routines. As a result Joseph grew up a manic depressive, giving rise to the legend of the brilliant entertainer who was a depressive in his private life. A pattern that has repeated itself over the centuries. The love of Grimaldi's life died giving birth. He never recovered from this.

St Jude is the patron saint of hopeless cases.

The song is a lament, a hopeless case of being in love with someone you can never have and hiding your sadness behind a wall of laughter.


雖然沒有詞，但以此結束吧。

Arcade Fire - Song On The Beach

靈感角落

腦中時常有這個畫面，女子一人坐著火車，外面的景色唰唰飛過，光切割的樹林，急轉的大河，鄰近的小站，從一地到另一地中間，彷彿一切都有選擇，彷彿還有無限可能。

各種人物、畫面在移動時來拜訪我。它們在巨大的書桌前誕生，卻往往在各類交通工具上形成。像跨越海洋的長途飛機，幾百個人吃飽喝足了關暗了燈，窗外空氣那轟轟提醒你坐在高空的一鐵盒子，獨立的閱讀燈打在周身像引導獨白，感知瞬間變得敏銳，各種想法自動靠來。這一點預期到的自由總讓人在進關前還有情有義，過了關頓時沒心沒肝。八九百公里的速度可以拋去很多事情，十幾個小時讓你把前人往事拋諸窗外無名星空、地圖與黑海，更有空間浮想聯翩，無中生有。

那火車上的女子想著什麼？她是離家或歸家，旅行或通勤？她凝望的窗外景色是否如巨型卷軸繪進她腦裡，或是她徑自在腦中播放著某種想像或記憶？是否有人在某處等她，或她正在逃亡的路上？一切的故事都能從這裡開始，而我隨時都能坐上那部火車。

－ 原載於《聯合文學》2017 四月份

O Karen

Why do birds suddenly appear, ev'ry time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky, ev'ry time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be close to you.

你在的時候 牠們從哪來
像我一樣 牠們也想靠近你
當你走過 星辰墜下
就像我 它們也想 靠近你

On the day that you were born the angels got together.
And decided to create a dream come true.
So, they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold,
And star-light in your eyes of blue.
That is why all the girls in town follow you all around.
Just like me, they long to be close to you...

生在天使祝福下
你能讓美夢成真
月塵灑上你金髮
你碧目裡的月光
是吧 怪不得女孩都跟著你跑
就像我 她們也想 靠近你



Oh Karen.

你多麼愛他
然而他愛的是別人
你也認識的小妹妹
我不是金髮碧眼嗎 哥哥
親愛的

給你 給她 給爸爸 給媽媽
他說我真美 就嫁他吧
他說我真醜 我真醜啊
就不吃吧 好餓好餓的時候
彷彿能見到你在

Oh Karen.

你在的時候 我已經歷所有幸福
總有一刻 你是我的
只有你我 不是嗎

然而你想去世界 我追出去
你要我唱 我唱
可不是對你唱嗎 親愛的

你是所有人的
我只是你的
就算如此 你也不要吧

親愛的。親愛的。
化為星辰 化為月塵。


Karen Anne Carpenter (March 2, 1950 – February 4, 1983)

《Pure Comedy》Father John Misty

The comedy of man starts like this
Our brains are way too big for our mothers' hips
And so Nature, she divines this alternative
We emerged half-formed and hope that whoever greets us on the other end
Is kind enough to fill us in
And, babies, that's pretty much how it's been ever since

人間喜劇的起點
母親骨盆承受不了的大腦
自然找出了方法
半發展的我們被推出 看看誰能接住我們
誰來告訴我們是怎麼回事吧
親愛的，之後也一直維持這樣

Now the miracle of birth leaves a few issues to address
Like, say, that half of us are periodically iron deficient
So somebody's got to go kill something while I look after the kids
I'd do it myself, but what, are you going to get this thing its milk?
He says as soon as he gets back from the hunt, we can switch
It's hard not to fall in love with something so helpless
Ladies, I hope we don't end up regretting this

生命的奇蹟留下了一些問題
譬如 我們中間一半人時不時需要鐵質
只好誰去殺點什麼 在我看著孩子的時候
我也可以自己來 但拜託 你有奶可以給這傢伙嗎
他說等他回來 我們就換手
看看這無助的小東西 你怎能不愛上他
姑娘 但願日後我們不會後悔吧

Comedy, now that's what I call pure comedy
Just waiting until the part where they start to believe
They're at the center of everything
And some all powerful being endowed this horror show with meaning

喜劇，這可不純粹是搞笑嗎
等著看吧 他們即將開始相信
他們是宇宙的中心
相信某些神奇的力量賦予這些恐怖事件無比意義

Oh, their religions are the best
They worship themselves yet they're totally obsessed
With risen zombies, celestial virgins, magic tricks, these unbelievable outfits
And they get terribly upset
When you question their sacred texts
Written by woman-hating epileptics

喔 他們的宗教最了不起
他們崇拜自己 又癡迷
活死人，神聖母，魔法術，怪裝束
他們可會非常生氣
要是你懷疑他們的神聖寶典
作者是些仇女的神經病

Their languages just serve to confuse them
Their confusion somehow makes them more sure
They build fortunes poisoning their offspring
And hand out prizes when someone patents the cure
Where did they find these goons they elected to rule them?
What makes these clowns they idolize so remarkable?
These mammals are hell-bent on fashioning new gods
So they can go on being godless animals

辭句不過用來迷惑他們
他們越迷惑卻越確信
他們的財富來自毒害下一代
誰擁有救藥的專利就給他頒獎
他們選來治理他們的神經病都是哪裡找來的？
這些他們崇拜的小丑是哪裡與眾不同？
這些哺乳動物等不及找到下一個假先知
他們好繼續做他們的法外之獸

Oh comedy, their illusions they have no choice but to believe
Their horizons that just forever recede
And how's this for irony, their idea of being free is a prison of beliefs
That they never ever have to leave

好笑吧，他們認為自己除了相信沒有其它選擇
他們的視野就這樣停滯不動
更諷刺的是，他們認為的自由
便是在信仰監獄裡度過一生

Oh comedy, oh it's like something that a madman would conceive!
The only thing that seems to make them feel alive is the struggle to survive
But the only thing that they request is something to numb the pain with
Until there's nothing human left
Just random matter suspended in the dark
I hate to say it, but each other's all we got

啊 有趣，這可不是瘋子才能想到的嗎！
勉強生存是他們唯一能感覺活著的方式
他們只求來點什麼麻痹這痛苦
直到再也沒有半個人類
只剩隨機物質漂流半空
不幸的是，我們只剩下彼此

這個世界與其之外

一月二日，在大雪中失去了與世界的聯繫 － 電視、電話、網路 － 久違的空間突然展開。午夜後的深夜，拿出數十年不曾打開的日製紅色手提音響，聽數十年沒聽過的卡帶，用全新的眼光翻看父親收藏的老照片，重新做過孩提時最常做的事：一個人在父親的書房尋寶。

就這樣遇見母親年輕時的照片，還沒沒來得及想，突然被擊中而淚下。影像太誠實、太直接紀錄了母親從少女變為人妻的過程，一樣的臉孔，短短幾年間被經歷偷換了笑容。我至今日，才有時間看懂，與那少女相遇。而我，已在不知覺中活過了那少女的年紀。

“至少我們創造了你，這總是值得的。” 她這麼說。而我不確定是不是。只因為我未有這樣巨大的愛，值得無中生有的紀念。做為她口裡“愛情的紀念”，身為記念物的我，面對掉落世間，顯得被動、遙遠。

醒來。與世界脫節的這一日，花了一整個下午讀陳映真，他的短篇集和 09 年出的紀念文集，《人間風景陳映真》。差不多同時，我在學識、知性、寫作中偉大的老師 John Berger 離開了人世。兩人都是知性與智識的巨人，前者比後者坎坷卻屹立，不停以各種方式與權力角力、碰撞；後者有藝術做為不斷對話的對象，在最出名時選擇了隱居山林，以思想與文字與世界保持關係。兩人都是硬派的馬克斯主義信徒，盡其一生要世界去看，去經歷，那些在資本主義洪流下被孤立的 － 微小的、邊緣的、受欺壓的 － 在戰火中失去國家的，在遷徙中失去身份的。

他們的文字，都像給這世界的情書，催促著身而為人在世的熱情，冷眼，卻親近。

然而隨著你們，一個時代過去了。死亡也是一種叮嚀，一種囑咐，提醒我們更記住你們代表的一切，因為你們不在，我們必須代而活之，以文字，以記憶，以理解，以精神，以動力，以生命。

或許就從這裡開始：願意更學著溫柔去對待母親，她們那裡，長大和未能長大的少女。