2019/10/28

獨處的激烈幸福

"說來說去,容易感到幸福是可怕的。幸福是很具有強迫性的,跟憂鬱一樣,我們無法逃避。當我們沈浸在煩惱中,我們掙扎,自衛,受一個念頭糾纏,而突然之間,幸福就像一顆小石頭,或者像一道迅疾而至的陽光一樣打在你的額頭上,我們禁不住放開一切,高興地去享受生活的樂趣...... " 《心靈守護者》

回到這一扇窗,回到加拿大的秋天。這個季節的顏色和氣溫充滿莎崗描寫的“強迫性的幸福”,窗外從少女時期跟著我數十年的大樹,由綠轉黃的金色的、隨著風搖擺的巨大的葉片,富有生意的搖擺姿態,一時將我抽離。何以想像世界上還有傷害和欺辱、不公和不義。

眼前是毫無計畫的一週。意味著有完整數日可以毫無顧忌地看自己的書、想自己的事。世上估計沒有比這更大的幸福。當然只是我自己的。

遠處的槍聲和煙霧...... 幾個月來,像那些和我一樣心繫於此的朋友,快樂總帶著心虛,平安令我們羞恥。有些朋友衝擊太大,在某個時間點已經放棄了看新聞,或要暫時離開;還有些人面對兩種論述的意識衝突,沒有餘力,只有將自己放空,專注於日常。

謊言,虛偽,憤怒,輕蔑,自私,暴虐...... 在實體傷害的上面,同時揭露了另一層的恐怖。如果有某些人願意為了別人付出沈重代價,也有些人冷眼旁觀,不是等著坐享其成,就是準備落井下石。這些天堂和地獄同時存在,每天憤怒一點,又開心一下;絕望半晌,又歡樂一陣。

儲存一年度無恥的幸福,再歸隊。

2018/08/12


Ludwig Wittgenstein
(1889-1951)

Few philosophers have said less than Wittgenstein. This was by design. Wittgenstein was impatient with the unwieldy books and unintelligible ideas that define philosophy. This was because he believed most philosophers spoke nonsense. For millennia, philosophers were delving into the nuances of truth, love, God, freedom and ethics, only to keep covering the same ground and asking the same questions. As Wittgenstein derisively said, “the cure for philosophy is more philosophy.” By the time Wittgenstein arrived on the scene, the philosophical tradition was a babel of dualisms, monisms, imperatives and truths. Wittgenstein ascribed this to the practice of philosophers speaking out of context. It made no sense to Wittgenstein to ask “what is truth?” It is a question vacuum sealed from any actual context. “The truth of what?” would be how Wittgenstein would respond to such nonsense.